Why The Hardest Thing You’ll Do Is Start a Spiritual Business When You Aren’t Sure Of Who You Are
It seems like an odd statement to make. A complete oxymoron perhaps. Surely starting a Spiritual Business — or any business in fact — would mean that you are, to your credit, sure of who you are.
Right?!
Not in my case. And certainly not in the case of the many Spiritual Entrepreneurs I’ve connected with over the last 2 years and the clients I’ve worked with.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that starting my own Spiritual Business was even harder than leaving an abusive marriage.
Yep!
You see, I started my business just over 2 years ago. I knew it was time. I was fed up of being beholden to others. I’d been made redundant twice before around the whole financial crisis in 2008 and 2009 when I worked in Recruitment.
I’d worked in jobs that didn’t inspire me. Left my soul drained and quite frankly…fucked off with life. Wondering how I’d ever catch a break and asking myself what I was here for and what more was there to life.
Yep. I hit rock bottom numerous times with continuous depression.
So when it was announced at the end of 2017 that my ongoing temporary contract was going to be ending within months, I remember cursing to the Universe again.
FFS! Not again. Here we go, again and again, take 2 steps forwards with finances…and then 4 steps back…whilst falling on your arse.
But I decided that this was my time. That the Universe was giving me a very loud and clear sign (imagine a large foghorn blasting in your ear!) that I was supposed to start a business. My own business. Based on me. Not the ones I’d dabbled with for a few years prior in the MLM industry.
But one based on me. Bringing my gifts to the world. Even though I had no fucking clue what they were. Except that I had a burning desire within me to mentor women to be unapologetically themselves and to unshackle them from the belief that they weren’t good enough or worthy enough.
I wanted to show them their magic. To activate that power.
Around the end of 2017 was when my Spiritual Awakening started. I’d been getting the nudges from Spirit — from the Universe — that it was time to reaquaint myself with my spiritual gifts.
My psychic abilities. My badass intuition. My ability to time travel with astral travel. My work within the Dream World. My ability to see the unseen and activate people from the root.
But — I hestitated.
Again and again.
Always seconding guessing myself. Wondering if I really was that good enough to mentor these women who were looking for something more within themselves.
I compared myself to others. Constantly looking around at other successful Spiritual Women in the online space who seemed to be killing it online. Making it look so fucking easy!
Jealousy raised it’s ugly head. Time and again.
Constantly comparing. Constantly undermining my own gifts. Not really sure of who I was.
Except — I was sure. My soul knew. My Higher Consciousness knew.
But my 3D self — my ego, my shadow — refused to accept it.
Why?!
Because when you’ve spent a lifetime hiding from the truth of who you are, dimming your light so you won’t be seen, hiding away, not speaking up, not rocking the boat in case you piss people off, not being in your truth — then you’re faced with the the very real and extremely painful reality that you created all the shit around you as a way to protect yourself from being fully you.
Being seen.
Being unapologetically you.
With zero fucks given.
I floated along for a few months knowing that the end of my job was looming. And I was petrified of having no income. No guarantees. Knowing that I would be fully responsible for bringing income in.
Yet — and as painful as it is to admit — still denying who I was.
Until, June 2018 came along.
I’d been coasting along. Setting up my website. Involving myself in Spiritual communities on Facebook to connect with like-minded women. Saying “all the things” but not really doing anything.
The Universe knew better. My Higher Self — the complete badass bitch that she is — knew better.
They knew it was time to rip the safety net from under me.
Hard.
Fast.
In 1 month, my temporary job finally ended. My mother was diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time in her life. And 3 weeks later — I left my marriage. I’d decided that I was done. And I made the decision to go it alone in life with my then 3 year old daughter.
No job. No money. No savings. And no fucking clue what I was doing. Needing to rebuild my shattered self-worth from years of emotional abuse.
But a burning desire within me that I had to leap. For when we choose to leap, even when it makes no fucking sense — especially then — we learn to build our wings as we fall.
As we topple over the cliff. After we’ve clung onto a false sense of reality — an illusion — for so long.
Sooner or later, you have to let go.
And fall.
Hard.
Fast.
However long it takes, until you wake the fuck up to your truth and what you’re here do to in this world.
That was my initiation as a Shamanic Priestess. Through my awakening I’d had many revelations from past lives through my various clair abilities and my astral travels (I’m clairvoyant, claircognizant, clairsentient, clairaudient, clairsalient, a medium & psychic intuitive empath) about the lifetimes I’d had before as a Witch, a Lemurian High Priestess, a Shaman, a Seer, a Mystic.
You name it, I’ve been it.
June 2018 was the start of my Rebirth. The start of my journey into the Shadows. Into the realms of darkness, shadow & magic.
Into the realm of the unseen & the hidden.
I had to go through the fire. I had to know what it felt like to unleash rapid & extreme transformation within someone.
To be unlocked.
To be activated.
The Phoenix Rising.
I had to learn what it felt like to burn in the flames of illusion, shadow & fear. And then rise again.
More powerful.
Unapologetic.
Wholly me.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realised that June 2018 was actually the start of my initiation as a Shamanic Priestess.
All the times I spent crying — releasing deep troughs of pain buried within myself — were never in vain.
They taught me the true depths of pain that we carry within us.
I had to feel that pain. To know it. To understand it.
And then learn how to alchemize pain into power.
To literally put myself through the fires of pain again and again — so I knew exactly how to transmute that pain. And turn it into power.
That’s one of my many gifts. Shadow alchemy.
Transmutting pain into power.
As a powerful Heyoka Mirror — I hold a mirror up to your shadows, to your fears, to your ego and to your vision and highest expression of who you are — and reflect back to you what you can’t — or won’t — see within you.
I hold that Mirror up for you to see everything. The whole truth.
Every aspect of yourself that you’ve denied, hidden from and buried deep within you. Every shadow.
The shame. The guilt. The jealousy. The unworthiness. Not being seen. Not being heard. Not feeling good enough. Feeling like you have to apologise for who you are. Being walked all over from zero boundaries.
Yet I also show the opposite of these shadow aspects. The power aspects on the flip side of these shadows.
The vision. The growth. The freedom. The powerful truth of who you are.
But I didn’t always own this gift of mine.
The Mirror gift.
I would apologise for it. Because the truth of the matter is that a Mirror — a Heyoka Mirror like myself — triggers the deepest core wounding within someone.
I bring it all to the surface. Everything.
The pain. The wounding. The unhealed aspects of the psyche.
The shadows containing the most potent power.
I show it all. As I reflect back.
And that — that aspect of myself — was something I apologised for constantly.
Continually apologising for triggering someone’s ego. Questioning myself and why I’d seemingly upset someone after not having said anything.
Like a girl at school who turned on me for no reason. Who dismissed me from the friendship circle. Who bad mouthed me and laughed about me. Who wouldn’t acknowledge me even when we passed each other.
I could never understand why. I was the timid little mouse at school. The one who hid. Shied away.
It wasn’t until after my Spiritual Awakening and when I understood the truth of who I am as a powerful Mirror — that I realised how much my energy had triggered the ugly side of her.
The shadowy aspects that she denied within herself. And I shone a big old light onto them.
Bringing it all up to the surface for her to see. As I do with every client I work with. As I do with everyone who is brought into my energy.
I reflect back to you the truth.
The good, the bad…and the ugly…truth.
So that you may see what you don’t see. So that you may see what is hidden. And bring it into the light.
Starting my Spiritual Business was harder than leaving an abusive marriage and becoming a single parent because I had to turn the Mirror onto myself.
To see myself.
Really see myself.
Every aspect I had denied about myself. Every shadow. Every part of me that wanted to hide away from the world and not be seen because I was fearful of the repercussions.
Every part of me that apologized for my gifts.
Every part of me that held the energy of people pleasing. Treading water. Towing the line. Seeking to not rock the boat.
Because I deliver blunt truth. The kind of truth that cuts deep. Really fucking deep.
I don’t do surface level modalities. Why fuck around with revealing layers and working through each layer when you can go straight to the root of who you are.
And turn that into your potent magic.
So I’d deny my own truth. I’d deny my own success. I’d not set energetic boundaries and give my time, energy and gifts away. I’d attract more narcissists into my life through various means who sought to drain my life force.
Attracted to my light.
I’d apologise for speaking my truth. Apologise for showing up. Would seek permission to show up. To be myself.
I’d hold back from truly being in my power — because I was scared of truly being myself.
And being alone.
I wasn’t sure of myself at all. And that caused me to go through more pain. More trials by fire. To attract those who sought comfort in my own lack of truth.
And so my Spiritual Business struggled. I accepted Welfare support to help with the bills. I took a part-time time job. I put offers and services out there and would hear crickets.
I continued to put things out that sounded like everyone else out there. The kind of things that make my current self gag at how much I was operating my life & business with shadow.
As a highly Creative Visionary, I can create out of thin air. I see the vision my Higher Self has for me.
Yet — I continued to deny my unique truth. I sought to fit in. To be comforted by the masses.
Lost in the crowd.
And there the magic dies.
When you stay hidden within the crowd. Nobody seeing you. Not making any waves with your truth, your purpose & your uniqueness.
Sounding and looking like all the rest.
And then wondering why the fuck things are still the same.
Being uncertain of who you are is the biggest block to Spiritual Entrepreneurs.
Especially Female Spiritual Entrepreneurs who carry the female ancestral trauma in our DNA of being persecuted as Witches & Healers.
So we hold back.
Telling ourselves the lie that it’s safer to do so.
Yet this is shadow talking.
Shadow that is whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Making it sound like you are safe. That its better to not take a risk. Better to stay as you are in case it doesn’t work out.
Telling you that you’re not good enough. Not worthy enough. Not talented enough.
That nobody will pay you for your gifts. For the magic & medicine you are here to birth into the world.
That you’re not creative enough.
That you can’t earn that.
That it’s better to surround yourself with the “yes people”. The ones who’ll support you and cheer you on with your cheap ass offers & services and the ones that drain your energy.
That it’s better to play small — to stay small — so as not to end up alone because if you choose to stand in your fucking truth & power and then you must be prepared to lose everyone around you — friends, family, lovers — in order to be yourself.
Wholly — and uniquely — you.
And it’s for these reasons why starting a Spiritual Business can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do if you aren’t sure of who you are.
Because you end up sounding like everyone else.
You end up dancing to the beat of everyone else.
You end up supressing your truth, your power, your gifts, your magic & your medicine in order to be accepted within the fold.
You end up denying yourself of the very success that you’re here to create because you’re too bothered about what people think.
Or are too afraid to take a risk — and take a chance — on yourself.
This is shadow.
This is what holds people back from the most epic, most delicious, most soul-satisfying life, most creative vision that people could ever imagine.
Your business is you.
Your business is an extension of you. It has its own Consciousness. And it chose you to be the vessel who would give life to it.
To birth it into reality.
Don’t deny the world of your powerful gifts, magic & business by being too afraid of who you are.
Own your truth.
Always.
If you’ve enjoyed this article and would like to connect with me further, please visit my website https://www.leannejuliette.com.
I have opportunities to work with me 1:1 and within group containers to unlock & activate your own powerful truth so you can be the unapologetic version of yourself and create the magic you’re here to create.
You can also find the links on my website to connect with me through my podcast, my YouTube channel and through my social media.
